Miss Snark said of my novel extract; "It sounds like we're inside the head of a functioning fruitcake".
I'm proud. I'm pleased.
And highly amused.
Hence the new title for the blog.
Trivia: the word 'fruitcake' actually appears in the novel three times.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Friday, December 29, 2006
pages anxiety
The fateful email arrives: "send 750 words".
I'm feeling the urge to edit the hell out of my pages, in a misguided attempt to improve them. I shall try to resist. After all, I was happy with them before I passed the hook stage. The fact that now other people are going to read them at some nebulous point in the future shouldn't mean they became garbage overnight.
Miss Snark asking me for pages doesn't mean I'm any good. It simply means I'd get past the first round at some agencies. At the time I entered the Crapometer, that was my aim. I'd never written a hook before. Never been published. Still yet to finish my first novel (it's getting there, though. If I can stop starting new novels every time I get writers' block).
I'm feeling the urge to edit the hell out of my pages, in a misguided attempt to improve them. I shall try to resist. After all, I was happy with them before I passed the hook stage. The fact that now other people are going to read them at some nebulous point in the future shouldn't mean they became garbage overnight.
Miss Snark asking me for pages doesn't mean I'm any good. It simply means I'd get past the first round at some agencies. At the time I entered the Crapometer, that was my aim. I'd never written a hook before. Never been published. Still yet to finish my first novel (it's getting there, though. If I can stop starting new novels every time I get writers' block).
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Things I have Learned from the Crapometer
From reading every Crapometer post (thus far) on http://misssnark.blogspot.com/ I have learned:
1) The sole purpose of the hook is to entice the agent to read your pages. Bear that in mind, and repeat as often as necessary.
2) Do not hurt any animals in the making of your hook - not even cats. Take no notice of Killer Yapp's encouragement.
3) Do not lead with a character who is dead, unless your story is about the adventures of an undead character.
4) If your character is undead, it would be in his best interests to be aligned with Satan.
5) Use the basic form: X is the main guy; Y is the bad guy; they meet at Z and all L breaks loose. If all L breaks loose, Satan is your friend.
6) Do not start your hook with 'Meet', as in "Meet Hank Gerbil, maintenance engineer at the toilet paper factory".
7) If you cannot avoid the above, have Satan possess the machines and cause the toilet paper to print its reams with a variety of evil, obscene and blasphemous commentary. If you are amusing and quirky enough, you don't need the template.
8) Wild boar hunters are sexy.
1) The sole purpose of the hook is to entice the agent to read your pages. Bear that in mind, and repeat as often as necessary.
2) Do not hurt any animals in the making of your hook - not even cats. Take no notice of Killer Yapp's encouragement.
3) Do not lead with a character who is dead, unless your story is about the adventures of an undead character.
4) If your character is undead, it would be in his best interests to be aligned with Satan.
5) Use the basic form: X is the main guy; Y is the bad guy; they meet at Z and all L breaks loose. If all L breaks loose, Satan is your friend.
6) Do not start your hook with 'Meet', as in "Meet Hank Gerbil, maintenance engineer at the toilet paper factory".
7) If you cannot avoid the above, have Satan possess the machines and cause the toilet paper to print its reams with a variety of evil, obscene and blasphemous commentary. If you are amusing and quirky enough, you don't need the template.
8) Wild boar hunters are sexy.
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