Things I have Learned from the Crapometer

From reading every Crapometer post (thus far) on http://misssnark.blogspot.com/ I have learned:

1) The sole purpose of the hook is to entice the agent to read your pages. Bear that in mind, and repeat as often as necessary.

2) Do not hurt any animals in the making of your hook - not even cats. Take no notice of Killer Yapp's encouragement.

3) Do not lead with a character who is dead, unless your story is about the adventures of an undead character.

4) If your character is undead, it would be in his best interests to be aligned with Satan.

5) Use the basic form: X is the main guy; Y is the bad guy; they meet at Z and all L breaks loose. If all L breaks loose, Satan is your friend.

6) Do not start your hook with 'Meet', as in "Meet Hank Gerbil, maintenance engineer at the toilet paper factory".

7) If you cannot avoid the above, have Satan possess the machines and cause the toilet paper to print its reams with a variety of evil, obscene and blasphemous commentary. If you are amusing and quirky enough, you don't need the template.

8) Wild boar hunters are sexy.